Valued readers,
Welcome to my first post on the Corn Hub! As you are here, I am to assume that you share my interest for and love of the miraculous vegetable known as corn. What a great vegetable! There's nothing better than coming home from a long, hard day at work to find a nice big steaming bowl of corn on the kitchen table. There's nothing more satisfying than emerging from a long day in the mountain mines, basket of solid gold corn in hand. There's nothing quite so grand as the satisfaction that comes from growing not only a tasty and nutritious vegetable, but also a true friend, one who knows only the meanings of loyalty and palatability. But I know you need no further convincing from me; you are here, afterall. So then let this be a place for us to come together and share our love of corn, to embrace our corn brothers and sisters and to put corn above all else. Now you may have heard that this was not my design as a true supporter of corn. You may, in fact, have heard that I begat this forum as a challenge to the accusations that I had neither the scrotum nor the testicles to do so. Alas, I say with grave affliction, there will always be those who seek the belittlement of our kind and our way of life. Yet we must endure, as it is what corn would have us do. But I digress. Let us not even discuss the haters on this sacred ground, but corn and corn alone! To conclude my first post, let me give you something to ponder for the upcoming election: http://pictures.thaindian.com/d/3065-2/Barack-Obama-82477938.jpg. As evidenced by this picture, the choice is not a hard one to make.
With all the warmth in my heart,
The Prospector
Prospector, prospector
Cornin' all the time
Prospector, prospector
Corn all day long
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Corn.
ReplyDeleteFriend? Foe? Savior?
One syllable, four letters, a universe of possibilities, opinions, hopes, dangers, and unfulfilled promises.
The story of corn is, of course, the story of America. This country has been a tiny, vulnerable kernel hurtling through history and time, carrying within its soft, yellow core the promise of blossoming into a strong, sturdy, eternal cob. America has been, and god willing shall always be, the blood brother of our buttery vegetable friend.
Yet, as we have entered an age of tofu, designer waters, and a shameful brigade of much bally-hooed corn substitutes, corn has come under attack.
There are those who say (and unfortunately have always said) that it is right that corn should be subjected to such venomous scrutiny. They call it progress. They tell us the time for corn has passed, and that, after all, it is foolish to cling to a vegetable against the prevailing winds of change.
But we know better. We know that an attack on corn is nothing but a thinly veiled attack on our very way of life. Over the past two decades, our leaders have slowly chipped away at the prominence and mystique of our mother crop. I ask you today a version of the simple question which Ronald Reagan (who, ironically, was destined to become a vegetable himself) once asked: “Do you have more corn than you did four years ago?”
I know that the answer for far too many of you is a distressing “No”. The reasons for this travesty are many. The aforementioned Reagan began the assault by bringing to the White House a virulent anti-corn agenda heavily influenced by the powerful jelly bean lobby. This approach has been embraced by administrations from both parties in the years that followed, and the results have been devastating. According to the non-partisan group Prospectors Calling On Rightful Nutrition (P-CORN), the average family of four now is asked to live with 86% less corn than they did in 2004. Parents are asked to work two or even three jobs to put enough corn on the table. Seniors must choose between paying for their prescribed corn additives or providing their homes with enough power to cook their corn. Our children go to schools where they receive inexcusably poor corn education and are then ushered into under funded corn-based programs after class.
I have come here today because I, like my friend The Prospector, believe this situation is unacceptable. Now is the time to bring about the real corn revolution. I am absolutely certain that generations from now, we will be able to look back and tell our children that this was the moment when we began to provide canned corn for the sick and good cobs to the cobless; this was the moment when the rise of the sweet fruits began to slow and our humble crop’s scars began to heal. Today, friends, we unite in support of that which has sustained us through the ages, the first crop to bless the rich soils on our nation, the only thing we have always know we could believe in. It starts today, it starts here. Join, us, America, in the defense of corn.
God bless you, god bless our cause, and may god continue to bless our corn.
the guy above me is gay
ReplyDeleteDerka, Derka.
ReplyDeletewiz khalifa fed me the corn,
ReplyDeleteno car no car horn,
when i was younger i sworn,
that i never must touch that interaccial corn,
norc is what is corn,
when i came out the womb i was born,
my teachers told me not to watch porn,
i said dont worry, i only watch corn
bitch.